There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
