just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
