i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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