remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize