You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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