I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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