Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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