Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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