So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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