Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
