..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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