Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
