That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
