gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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