I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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