Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
