Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
honey bunches of taint.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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