You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
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is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
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You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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