some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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