we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
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