How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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