party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
