i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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