32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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