Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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