Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
