Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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