Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
