why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
