she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just tell him i said nine months
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
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You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
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You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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