Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
