He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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