Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
