it's too hot outside to masturbate.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
