I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
