C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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