When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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