Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize