oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
