Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
