is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
