no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
