glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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