He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
