but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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