paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
