If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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