mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
