where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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