I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
