i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
