I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Drake has all the answers
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
