Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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