On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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