Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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