I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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