yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
