Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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