Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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