Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
