I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
