Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
