You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
