and you said cock pushups were impossible
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
