That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
