Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
