Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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